Professor Firstdraft’s GOODTIME SCRIPTORIUM

Dispatches from the far reaches of the WGF.

The One Where We Just Blatantly Copy Buzzfeed

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It’s Thanksgiving (in the United States)! A day best spent in the warm comforting glow of friends. Or even better, the warm comforting glow of Friends, which featured a Thanksgiving episode in each of its ten seasons.

Buzzfeed writer Jaimie Etkin recently ran an amazingly thorough piece ranking all ten Turkey Day episodes from worst to best. Jaimie’s choices notwithstanding – one does not simply rank the episode with Joey’s “moo point” joke last and then include a gif that highlights that very joke as a sick reminder that we live in a world where this can happen – I think we can supplement her work pretty well.

So here, without further ado, are script pages from each of those episodes. No, they’re not animated gifs. We don’t want to steal Buzzfeed’s entire aesthetic.

Season One, Episode Nine: “The One Where Underdog Gets Away” by Jeff Greenstein & Jeff Strauss. In which the gang gets together for Thanksgiving for the first time and end up getting locked out of the apartment after going to see a parade balloon that’s escaped from its moorings.

the one where underdog gets away

Season Two, Episode Eight: “The One With The List” by Marta Kauffman & David Crane. In which Ross and Rachel sort of try to deal with the fact that they finally smooched in the prior episode.

the one with the list

Season Three, Episode Nine: “The One With The Football” by Ira Ungerleider. In which the gang plays the most vicious game of football ever committed to recording media, owing largely to Ross and Monica’s sibling rivalry.

the one with the football

Season Four, Episode EIght: “The One With Chandler In A Box” by Michael Borkow. In which we once again experience the aftermath of a kiss: This time, though, it’s Chandler that laid one on Joey’s girlfriend Kathy. Meanwhile, Monica invites her ex’s grown son for Thanksgiving dinner.

the one with chandler in a box

Season Five, Episode Eight: “The One With All The Thanksgivings” by Greg Malins. In which the gang details all their past Thanksgivings, including one where Monica cut off Chandler’s toe and Joey got his head stuck in a turkey. Oh yeah, and Monica sticks her head in a turkey too, and Chandler tells her he loves her. It’s a tale as old as time.

the one with all the thanksgivings

Season Six, Episode Nine: “The One Where Ross Got High” by Greg Malins. In which Rachel makes a “traditional English trifle” that turns out to be half shepherd’s pie. Oh, and Ross gets high and blames Chandler.

the one where ross got high

Season Seven, Episode EIght: “The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs” by Patty Lin. In which JOEY MAKES HIS TIMELESSLY HILARIOUS MOO POINT JOKE and I dunno, some other stuff happens too.

the one where chandler doesn't like dogs

Season Eight, Episode Nine: “The One With The Rumor” by Shana Goldberg-Meehan. In which Brad Pitt shows up as a guy who hates Rachel. And who formed, with Ross, an “I Hate Rachel Green” club. And who also is Brad Pitt.

the one with the rumo

Season Nine, Episode Eight: “The One With Rachel’s Other Sister” by Shana Goldberg-Meehan. In Which Christina Applegate shows up as the sister we never knew Rachel had – she has another sister played by Reese Witherspoon, who we first met in Season Six – and Joey forgets that he’s supposed to be on a parade float.

the one with rachel's other sister

Season Ten, Episode Eight: “The One With The Late Thanksgiving” by Shana Goldberg-Meehan. In which Rachel enters Emma in a baby beauty pageant. A baby beauty pageant! Insert Honey Boo Boo joke here.

the one with the late thanksgiving

As with every script mentioned on this blog – these are all available in our library. Come in and read ‘em. And Happy Thanksgiving.